One of the first things that happens after a relationship ends is always the same: one person still loves the other person more. If your boyfriend did the dumping, placing you in the very undesirable role of dumpee, it’s not always easy to get back into his life. You’ll need to first accept your breakup, and then after that you’ll need to drop off his radar. These first two steps are critical in winning back an ex.
Beyond this, the next thing you’ll need to do is remove his relationship safety net. This little piece of apparatus is what lets your boyfriend know he can get you back, at a moments notice, any time he wants. While you might think this is a good thing, it’s not. Having such a net is the equivalent of having breakup insurance… it lets him try being single for a while, and if he doesn’t like it he can always come back to you. Good deal for him right? Sure is.
As long as he thinks that net is still there, your ex boyfriend is going to do whatever (and possibly whoever) he wants. What you need to do is cut it away, effectively letting him know you’re not going to be around forever. Any guy who breaks up with any girl, no matter how long they’ve been dating, always wants to leave the door open for a possible reunion. Even if it’s just a tiny crack, he likes to know that door isn’t locked – he can always open it in an attempt to come back to you. Don’t let him have control of this door.
By seizing the door’s handle and closing it yourself, you’re going to send him into a panic. Cutting away his relationship safety net suddenly puts him face to face with the stark, cold reality that he might finally lose you forever. As long as your ex thinks you’ll be waiting around for him, he’s going to keep on playing the field. But the minute you let him know you’re not going to stick around forever, he’s going to start second-guessing himself. And eventually, he’ll start second-guessing the breakup too. This is what will make him want you back.
By now you shouldn’t have called him, emailed him, or texted him. You’ve dropped off his radar and are doing your own thing. He’s already curious as to what you’re doing, and your life is now pretty mysterious to him. He’s getting a taste of what his own life will be without you – and this is exactly what you want. You don’t want to “be friends” with your ex, and you’re not going to accept anything but an exclusive, long-term relationship. You want to get back with your boyfriend, not casually see him on a friendly basis, make small talk, or have meaningless hookups with him. By taking away all these other choices, you’re funneling him exactly in the direction you want – getting back together.